look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
