Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
