hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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