How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
