Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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