dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
