We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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