i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
