I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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