my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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