??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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