she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
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As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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