did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
