Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
