That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
