i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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