Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
