Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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