sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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