He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
