She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
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I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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