when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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