omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
