In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
