a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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