Three words: puerto rican gang bang
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
