Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
