my vag is so smooth its legendary
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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