summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
