woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
