Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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