if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
