dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
