her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
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I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
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When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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