I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
