I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
