Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
