My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
