chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
