OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I didn't notice because vodka
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
