This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
