cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
