I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
