so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
