It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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