You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
