Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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