is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
