Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
