so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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