There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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