he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.