I hate your face
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?