You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
