How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Dating After Heartbreak
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.