Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.