omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
