I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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