thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
