check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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