she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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