Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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