I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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