He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
