We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
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