My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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