Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
